andcurve.weblog - The weblog of Kevin Teljeur. Somewhere within all the noise, there is a note you need to hear.

Yay! Valentine’s Day!

Hm. Actually, this isn’t the occasion of jollity that it could have been, but I’ve had worse. I used to get very bitter about this, because I didn’t have a girlfriend, had no relationships, and until a year or two ago hadn’t even managed to get laid, which meant that I felt it was simply a day for the people who had all of these things to be smug and make patronising remarks to the likes of me to the effect that ‘it could happen some day soon’; the sort of thing that gets Lotto winners beatten up by their former best mates. I did have a sudden impulsive reaction one year which resulted in me buying flowers for a girl (and I’ll say no more, other than it was a long time ago and there is a photo of her on this very blog. No more clues, I’m afraid!) which was the wrong thing to do,Shit! I will say more. It was a particularly embarrassing episode and goes a long way to demonstrate exactly how much I needed to learn a bit about people, and women in particular. And just cop the fuck on. At least it vaguely amused people for a few weeks. and since then I figured that if some wench did want flowers or chocolates then she could bloody well give me a good seeing to first and we’d negotiate the sharing of the wealth afterwards. Needless to say, that strategy didn’t work out too well, and I’ve found a far more effective technique is to get woefully drunk in front of the required female and then make out with the front cover of a magazine as demanded by that same wumon.

Frequently Asked Questions:
Yes, I miss her. No, I don’t think I’ll be flying out there (maybe though). Yes, we broke up. No, she won’t be back in a couple of weeks. Yes, we’ll see.Yeah, pretty perverse stuff, but that’s the way things go for me. How my life has changed since those dark, bitter days! Right now I’m technically single, but this is very much like telling me I own a manatee in so far as it may be true, I’ll almost certainly tell anyone who brings the subject up but it doesn’t really feel that way. It’s complicated, and you can read more about it here. Damn that woman, I wasn’t supposed to be missing her, but that’s the effect she has! Speaking of manatees, I’ve discovered the perverse joy of convincing complete strangers that I own a manatee in a reservation in Florida. It’s such an outrageous and bizarre lie that it’s actually quite successful so I’ll have to try that one out again soon. Real ice-breaker, and I don’t think it’ll be too long before I get mauled by someone with a low tolerance for mockery or some sort of hatred for ocean-going ungulates.

I hope you’re all enjoying Valentine’s Day, do try and avoid getting arrested by your local Emperor and then executed in tediously elaborate fashion, and spend some time with someone you care for. And that you aren’t related to by blood preferably, but if the local customs allow it then each to their own. Or buy them some stuff. If you don’t care about anyone, then I strongly recommend a good wank, which might help a bit and at the very least you’ll find it relaxing.